Would YOU let your teenage daughter sleep with a boyfriend in your home?

By HELEN CARROLL

Trusting: Sarah Watts allowed her 16-year-old daughter Alicia to sleep with her boyfriend at her house and even bought them their own double bed

When Sarah Watts’s 16-year-old daughter Alicia asked if her boyfriend of three months could stay the night, she wasn’t outraged or upset. Instead, she responded in a way that would horrify many parents — she went out and bought Alicia a double bed so she could sleep with boyfriend Matt in comfort.
Now 17 and a sixth-former studying for A-levels, Alicia and Matt, an 18-year-old photographic student, spend many nights together under Sarah’s roof.
The arrangement is a far cry from the way Sarah, 46, conducted her own teenage relationships.

Boys allowed: Alexandra Fisher, 18, pictured with her mother Alice, has been allowed to have boyfriends stay over since she turned 16

‘My father was very authoritarian and would never have let my boyfriends stay over,’ says the customer services advisor from Norwich. ‘But, like it or not, teenagers will have sex, and my father’s attitude meant I took all kinds of risks without my parents knowing — drinking too much and being rather cavalier about contraception.
‘With hindsight, I think I was rebelling against being told what to do and my parents not giving me the respect I felt I deserved as an emerging adult.
‘I want to know where my daughter is at night and who she’s with. Letting her boyfriend stay is the best way of ensuring her safety.’

Morning-after pill reliance: Many teens are not using contraception - is it because they can't be open about sex with their parents? (posed by model)

According to a new book, Not Under My Roof, Sarah’s approach is a very sensible one.
Author and academic Amy Schalet argues that the reason the teenage pregnancy rate in the United States is eight times higher than the Netherlands is because Dutch parents adopt a far more liberal approach to adolescent sex, with two-thirds of those in Holland allowing their teenagers’ partners to sleep over.
‘In Dutch families there is an expectation that sex should take place in steady relationships in which both teens are in love,’ says Schalet. ‘Dutch parents don’t want teenage sex to be a secret. They want to stay connected with their teens and be able to exercise influence and provide support.’

‘Parents who allow their teenagers to share a bed with their boyfriend or girlfriend may imagine they are being very open and progressive, but in reality they are helping to break down the very boundaries children need.’
Psychologist David Spellman agrees, saying that although some teenagers may push boundaries, they still rely on their parents to make the right decisions for them.
‘Of course when parents say “No” their children will complain. But on some level, they also know they are being looked out for.
‘As parents we need to have the courage sometimes to take a position and let our children know we are not OK with certain things.’

source: dailymail